My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
