i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
