Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
