dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
