You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
