Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
