hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
