yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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