then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize