I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
