So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
