Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i have two assholes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
