just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
