He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
two words...techno handjob
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
