Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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