It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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