A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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