just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
