i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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