so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
