Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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