the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
