Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
