If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
