I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
