You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
