theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
