Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
