i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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