What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize