Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
