Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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