The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're a waste of cheezeits
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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