Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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