Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
