oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
