wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
