I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
