yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
