you would pick up someone in the library
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize