Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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