Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
