I think I won the penis lottery.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
