I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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