You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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