Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
