no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
