she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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