Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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