All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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