He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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