I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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