If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
