your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
