No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
