His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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