some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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