YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drake has all the answers
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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