I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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