He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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