i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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