i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
