Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize