Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
