I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My pussy is not your playground.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize