Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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