ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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