Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
