We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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